What I learned when I couldn't see

I have an embarrassing story to share with you. I've learned a lot from it and am still learning, so hopefully it's worth it. 

My sister came to visit us a few weeks ago and we went camping for a few days. I had so many things planned I wanted to do while we were there, hiking a few trails, swimming all day, games, long nights by the fire etc..

Our first morning there, I went in the woods to show my kids what twigs I wanted them to collect for the fire. I started picking some up here and there and had my hands full when I walked into a spider web, I brushed it off and kept looking. Shortly after I kept feeling like something was crawling on me. I didn't notice a side branch when I swung my hand (full of twigs) over, to brush the crawly thing off of my neck so the branch went right into my right eye. I immediately fell to my knees and held my eye closed, after a few minutes I knew that it was pretty bad... Needless to say I spent our whole camping trip resting my eyes every few minutes. It turns out that our eyes are very connected, one can't move without the other so every time I would use my left eye the other one would move and I would feel stabbing pain and that would cause it to water uncontrollably and the pain would get worse. So I watched (or more like heard) others step up and take care of my kids, take them to the bathroom countless times, feed them, put them to bed, play with them in the water and so on. It was very difficult to sit around and do nothing. I have so much more appreciation for my eyesight now!  

I asked myself so many times, how and why did this happened?? I can usually trace back and clearly remember the still small voice warning me of a situation about to happen but this time there was nothing, no warming signs of any kind. So I turned it around and decided to see what the Lord might be teaching me through it. As I lay in the tent with my eyes closed listening to all the surrounding sounds, I heard my children playing near by. I couldn't see what they were doing, what they were wearing, or their facial expressions, I couldn't even see the state our tent was in.

Being in that position made me think about how many things I fuss over on a daily basis that really don't have very much significant value. Too many nights I put my kiddos to bed fairly quickly just so I can organize, clean and put things in order but at the end of time do those things really matter?? Being un able to open my eyes and see for a few days helped me get a different perspective on the things that matter. I asked myself what if I didn't have eye sight, what would I focus on? Would the things that matter now matter at all? Or would I really have to change most of the way I parent and do life with my kids?

I am a very protective and sensitive (to certain things) kinda of "mama bear". The Lord has been teaching me how to let go and trust him more, for some years now. As my kids get older I realize more and more how little control I have. Honestly I no longer want it, now I focus more on teaching them all they need to know to take care of themselves and rely on the Lord other then on me.

My children are the Lords first and foremost, he entrusted them to me and he knows them better then I do. I've been asking him to show me how to manage and I've been receiving answers here and there but the experience of being unable to see was really "eye opening for me" (lol if I can put it that way). I realized how much I stress about things that I shouldn't. When you can't see, it all comes down to trusting those around you and the Lord and being in tune with his Spirit. You can't control your surroundings when you can't them or even know where you are. Many times at camp I would be going somewhere with my eyes closed thinking I'm in one place but when I would peek I would find myself off the path. It happens so many times in life too, I do things a certain way and then later come to realize that there is a better way. Or believe one way and over time the Lord teaches me and shows me things and I realize how much I still don't know. 


I'm still trying to figure out this whole parenting blindly thing I've been learning but I thought I would share at least that much with you today. 

Thank you so much for reading!  

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Love and blessings! Natty ❤️