As I sit here alone, on this cozy spring morning with the birds chirping outside, I am so overwhelmed by the love that our Father has for us. I am learning how to embrace it and understand it but sometimes I just have to receive it. I just finished journaling in my personal paper journal and felt like maybe someone else out there needed to hear this too, so I'll share what I've been going through with you guys.
Last few weeks have been hard for me personally and I feel like my family as well. We were on the edge with each other and I was disappointed with myself and started to question the Lord. There are things I've been praying about for many months and even years. I felt that it's been long enough and the Lord probably forgot to answer. When clouds like that come over, one thing triggers another and it feels like your whole world is coming apart. (When in reality it's not :) One day particularly when I was at the end of myself I wanted to reach out and make a phone call but stopped myself and went to the Lord first. I poured out my heart and expressed to Him that I don't feel like I can go on like this much longer and that I want my prayers answered soon.
I expect a lot from myself, the kind of wife and mother I want to be and since I'm home with all four kids all day every day I get tested a lot and I feel that I can do better. I guess I was praying for a shortcut to all the work on my character and who I am as a person. There are lots of other things as well that I'm praying for. We all have our lists right?
Every time I go to Him, He fills me with so much peace and after I've received my peace I made that phone call and this dear person spoke truth into my life. I was at a place to receive because I've emptied myself before the Lord, I literally had to stop her to write down the things she was saying to remind myself of later. That day through her I felt the Lord say to me that I need to Trust him and his timing, my answers are on their way I need to receive them, wait patiently and the let the Lord work on me in the meantime.
The next day a friend texts me and invites me to church for a women's get together, I had every excuse not to go but felt that I should so I obeyed and went. And guess what the message was about?? Trusting the Process. I was so touched and felt that the Lord did care and didn't forget about me.
A little side story; that morning when I was journaling in my notebook with my broken pen I made a note to self to get a new special journaling pen. In the evening as everyone was leaving the service, they gave out pens! The perfect one to replace my old pen. This might seem silly but to me it was a special gift from the Lord because only He knew what I had thought that morning.
I was so energized by things the Lord had spoken to me but He wasn't done yet. On Sunday as I was getting ready for church I also had to push myself out the door. When I got there I was so glad I did. Because guess what the message was about?? Lol I think you get where I'm going. The message subtitle was Trust His Process. I felt like the Lord himself was speaking to me through the speaker, I cried pretty much the whole time. Everything I questioned the Lord about the speaker mentioned even the little things I didn't emphasize on. He covered every area of my life and exactly what I was going through, obviously he doesn't know me and wasn't exactly having a conversation with me, he was speaking to hundreds of others in the room. But how special is it to know that the Lord knows me and loves me so much that He will speak directly to me like that. I'm still blown away!
His ways are not our ways. His thoughts towards us are beyond anything we can imagine. His plans for us are better and greater then anything we can think of for ourselves. I've had many of my plans changed by the Lord and I can testify one hundred percent His are always better! Starting with having my first two children, our move to Hawaii, getting pregnant with the twins, our move to South Carolina, those are just to name a few of the BIG life changing decisions that I let the Lord lead. I can't imagine what life would be like if I clung to my plans and fears and didn't let go. I wrote about how hard the decision to move from Hawaii was for me in Moving on.
He chooses the process because only He knows our hearts, our past and our future. He knows us better then we know ourselves. The promise of His word is for us but the process is for God to shape us and mold us into His image. He is concerned with our character and we are usually more focused on the blessing that we are praying for. He wants to accomplish what he pleases first. Jesus went through a death and burial before the resurrection. He was the Word and the King but in the natural he had to die to accomplish greater things in the supernatural. Same goes for us, sometimes we have to let things "die" and get planted before we see new life and growth.
Don't give up, don't quit. Trust his word. Hold on to the promises of God for your life and let your faith grow and get stronger in the meantime. Read Romans 4:18-21 about Abraham having to wait one hundred plus years for his promise. Or Moses who had to wait forty years. Or Joseph in Psalm 105:19 "Until the time came to fulfill his dreams, the Lord tested Joseph's character."
"The Process" looks different for everyone. You might be in a similar situation to me where you just need to be faithful and keep loving, serving, teaching, disciplining, listening, praying etc.. each day and every day. Or it might be something totally different maybe your in a workplace waiting for a promotion, or in a business, or family situation no matter what it is, trust HIM with the process turn your heart to Him and do all things as unto the Lord.
The Lord loves you so much, you don't always have to feel it, sometimes you have to look for it and find it around you or in His word. And when you do make sure to journal it for those times when you need the reminder again. Receive His love and believe that He loves you and don't let your mind or feelings or anyone else tell you otherwise.
I pray the Lord will fill you with His abundant love and peace today and show you in special ways how much YOU mean to Him. Thanks you so much for reading dear ones.