Becoming a mother is one of the best gifts I have ever received. I did not plan to become a mom as young as I did and I also did not plan to have four kids in four years! Haha but that's the story of my life and I wouldn't change a thing about it! The last few days I've been thinking back on all the precious memories I have made with my four little ones and that makes me realize how fast time goes. We can never stop time or even slow it down, all we can really do is learn to savor every precious moment that we get.
Seven years ago I celebrated my very own first mothers day. I had a beautiful little five month old girl. At that time I didn't even know how much she was going to change my life but I haven't been the same since. That sweet baby is such a big girl now and I couldn't be more proud of her!
When people comment on my kids manners or maturity, it ones again reminds me that they are growing faster then my mind is comprehending it. As much as I would love to keep them little forever, they won't be. When I watch them show responsibility and character or see their prayers being answered, I realize more and more how much they have grown. My relationship with them is changing, they don't depend on me as much as they used to anymore and that's ok, I'm learning to let go, embrace and enjoy it.
Although I already have things I regret not knowing sooner and things I've done wrong as a mother, my prayer every day is that I can live life with no regrets. Ten-twenty-thirty years from now I want to look back and say "yes maybe I've made mistakes but I loved my children to the fullest and lived life enjoying every precious moment with them."
Days like today, when my girl tells me a story of king Solomon and the two women who fought for the living child or when she has questions about Job from the Bible, I realize that she's not so little anymore, I no longer have babies, and toddlers I once had that were so dependent on me every day. They have grown and keep growing and they get more independent day by day and that's ok.
I hope and pray that I am the mother I need to be, the mother that they need, the mother they look back on and only have found memories of and with. I pray my life is minimal to the world and myself but to the fullest for my family. I truly pray that at the end of the day I have as little regrets as possible.
My heart is slightly heavy tonight as I write this and I can't stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks but at the same time I feel that it's ok to grieve the years gone by. They are tears of sadness but also joy because I am so excited to keep watching my children grow, develop and become their own individuals. They each have so much uniqueness in them and uncovering that is the joy of my life! I have cried over each one of my babies the last month of nursing them, I say goodbye to the newborn stage and embrace what comes ahead. And today I feel like I am doing the same as I let myself feel and let go of the years gone by. I didn't really realize when that transition happened, from toddlers and preschoolers to big kids, it sorta caught me by surprise.
If you've been around long enough, you probably know that it's hard for me to "let go" of the places and people that I love but one thing is certain in life and that is, it's always changing, it's always moving forward and it always comes in seasons.
I sang "Goodbye's (the saddest word)" by Celine Dion on my wedding day to my mother and honestly I find myself humming it quite often through the years because I always need to remind myself to let go.
It's like teaching them to ride a bike you want to hold on to protect them but they will never learn to ride on their own if you do. But when you let go and watch them learn you experience more joy then they do when they finally learn to ride.
So as I let go of the years gone by tonight I look forward to what lies ahead. More precious memories being made and life lived with my sweet ones.
Happy Motherhood dear mama! Enjoy every moment the good, the bad and the hard. It won't be like this forever. Days with your little ones might seem very long but the years are very short. Embrace tighter and love deeper. Look into their eyes and make sure they hear your love and know it in their hearts. Because they only have one mama and that is you. And you are more then enough and always will be.
Love and blessings to each one of you, Natty.